Archive for September, 2006

Fashion Faux Pas: Cheerio Butt

Monday, September 25th, 2006

Cheerio Butt

As Dylan got out of his car seat after arriving home from a birthday party, I noticed an odd phenomenon that can only be described as a true fashion faux pas: Cheerio Butt.

Oddly, the Cheerios defied gravity and stuck to Dylan's pants even after he got out of the car seat and stood up. As you can see in this picture here, the Cheerios remained firmly in place until brushed off.

I researched this phenomenon, and fashion designers agree that Cheerio Butt would be 27% more embarrassing than tissue paper stuck to the bottom of your show — if babies cared about their clothing at all.

Between you and me, I haven't tested this theory, but I think that the secret to Cheerio Butt is to use the Honey Nut variety.

Baby Fight Club

Monday, September 18th, 2006

Baby Fight Club

Saturday night, I noticed that Dylan had a gash above his eye along with a couple additional bruises in the same area. My wife said that he had pulled his large, stackable plastic bins over onto himself. I have a different theory, however: Baby Fight Club.

The rules of Baby Fight Club:

  1. The first rule of Baby Fight Club is: There is no Baby Fight Club.
  2. The second rule of Baby Fight Club is: Don't pull your tower of plastic bins onto yourself.

After developing my theory, I discovered that I was onto something. Online research turns up independent evidence of a Baby Fight Club.

Update: Baby Fight Club wasn't the end! In 2007, popular sequel Baby Fight Club 2 was released!

KinderQuote: Police Animals

Sunday, September 17th, 2006

After Sebastian and I attended the Buffalo Sabres' open practice yesterday morning, we heard a dog barking near the police car that was blocking traffic. As it turns out, the barks were coming from the backseat of a K-9 Unit.

We returned to the car when the police officer took the dog out of the car and let people pet him. (To avoid confusion, I will explicitly state that we pet the dog, not the officer. It was a female officer and a male dog.)

The officer explained that the dog (named "Gyro") helped her by sniffing out guns and bombs. As we left the area, Sebastian asked several questions about this. I explained about dogs' abilities and that people didn't have the sense of smell required to perform the task.

Then Sebastian asked the question that cracked me up:

Why aren't there police cats?

I could see where Sebastian was coming from. If they used dogs, why not other domesticated animals? I explained that dogs were easier to train, but I just couldn't get the image out of my head of a big, burly police officer pulling a small cat out of the car to search for bombs. I think the image was even more comical when I imagined a bulletproof vest, too.

Sebastian Earns Three Blue Ribbons

Friday, September 15th, 2006

Yesterday, Sebastian entered seven items into the local garden club's Junior Harvest Show. The prizes given out were timed along with the elementary school's open house.


Blue Ribbon: Other Annual (Nasturtium)

Sebastian received three blue ribbons, three red ribbons, and an honorable mention. He was excited to hear the news, and even more excited to see his entry forms with ribbons on them. I have posted pictures throughout this post of the three blue ribbon entries.


Blue Ribbon: Raspberries

Oddly enough, Sebastian's entry that received honorable mention was, in my opinion, the best looking entry he placed. Unfortunately, the category was an artistic category for a bouquet, and Sebastian had only three flowers in a glass jar. The other entries were full bouquets that had been arranged.


Blue Ribbon: Zucchini

One entry was both sad and amusing. One child had brought in blueberries for the show. They were in a Ziploc bag, so I'm guessing he brought them to school on the bus. All five blueberries were completely crushed. Nonetheless, it was the only blueberry entry, so it won the blue ribbon in the blueberry category. So, it's truly a bittersweet victory. I guess it's much better than losing because your berries got crushed.

KinderQuote: Forgetting to Learn

Wednesday, September 13th, 2006

Here's part of the conversation I had with Sebastian tonight:

Me: So, did you learn anything in Kindergarten today?
Sebastian: [pauses] No.
Me: No? You didn't learn anything? You should have learned something . . . that's why you go to school!
Sebastian: Yeah, I learned something.
Me: Oh, OK. What did you learn today at school?
Sebastian: [pauses] I learned lots of things, but I forgot them.

So, there you have it. I wonder if they taught him "short term memory" in school today. If they did, I'll never know.

KinderQuotes

Wednesday, September 13th, 2006

I ask Sebastian about school each and every day, so I hear plenty of stories about school from the unique perspective of the kindergartner.

I don't know about you, but my memories about school are mostly from later grades, and my memories from kindergarten are filtered through an adult perspective now.

Who else but a kindergartner would start their story about phys. ed. by mentioning which color line they had to sit on while they weren't playing the game?

So, in the spirit of these beloved quotes, I am starting a new category, KinderQuotes. Here you will find an abundance of quotes (eventually) as Sebastian provides them with me.

Disclaimer: These quotes are not meant to be "more kind" than any other quote. They are not kinder quotes. They're KinderQuotes, as in quotes from the kindergartner.

First Day of School: The Wheels on the Bus

Wednesday, September 6th, 2006

Sebastian gets on the bus at home

Sebastian is early in the pick-up route, so hopefully the pick-up time will remain fairly consistent throughout the year. Since he is early in the route, he gets picked up along with several "swimmers" who are dropped off at the middle school. This means that Sebastian gets to watch other kids get picked up and dropped off before the majority of the other elementary school children are picked up. In order to maintain the schedule, the bus driver waits at the middle school until the appropriate time to continue the route.

The "first day of school jitters" started to take hold of my wife (though I'm sure she'll deny that as a factor here), and she got nervous about Sebastian's ride to school. She offered to walk him to school and to let him ride the bus home. As I mentioned previously, I think the school bus ride is one of the coolest parts about starting school. Pre-school kids just don't get to ride on buses a whole lot, particularly without parents and with thirty to fifty other kids their age. Sebastian had been excited about riding the bus and he didn't want to give that up.

After some "discussion" between me and my wife over any last-minute changes to Sebastian riding the bus to school, we decided that, at least for the first day of school, we would stick with the plan. Sebastian and I headed out to the front lawn to wait.

When we got to the front lawn, our neighbor was out front taking pictures of her daughter. Sebastian was happy to see his neighbor friend and he posed for a couple pictures with her. They were both visibly excited about school. My wife came out with our camera and took several pictures as well.

The bus arrived and Sebastian got on without any trouble. He stopped on the steps to turn around for a few pictures, though I think his mind was more on the excitement of school than anything else. Once in his seat, he happily waved out the window and smiled.

Sebastian gets off the bus at school

My wife drove up to the school to take another picture of Sebastian as he got off the bus and entered school. I like this picture because of Sebastian's body language. He's leaning forward, which is a sign of confidence, plus it looks like he's hiking his pants up as if to say, "All right, I'm here. Let's get to work!" My wife gave Sebastian a quick kiss and he headed into school without hesitation. When my wife described it, she sounded proud of him for not being too attached, but I could also detect that hint of sadness that her son has gained yet another level of independence. To my knowledge, she got through the entire ordeal today without shedding a tear.

According to our paperwork, Sebastian was to be dropped off six minutes after school let out. My wife called the transportation department a few days earlier, and they revised the pick-up time by a substantial amount. They changed the drop-off time to one minute earlier. After orientation, my wife says that the bus driver confirmed with her that he would be one of the first to be dropped off.

Five minutes before dismissal time (ten minutes before Sebastian's scheduled drop-off time), I took Dylan out to the front sidewalk and let him play with sidewalk chalk while we waited for the bus. My wife came out with the camera closer to the scheduled drop-off time and took some pictures of Dylan while we waited. Dylan had a fun time playing with the chalk, though he's still too young to do much more than repeatedly rub it across the same three-inch square of sidewalk. Surprisingly, he only put the chalk in his mouth once the entire time.

Sebastian gets off the bus at home

By the time Dylan was done playing with his chalk, I knew that we had been waiting a while longer than I expected, but we were warned that during the first couple weeks of school that the times would fluctuate as the schedules were set into place. Fortunately, when you're one of the first to be dropped off, there shouldn't be much of a delay. Since I didn't expect to be outside for much more than twenty minutes, I had not put sunscreen on Dylan or myself. (Keep in mind that the sun and I have not been on speaking terms for ten years now due to irreconcilable differences.) Dylan does relatively well with the sun, however I and my skin are less than impressed with the extended exposure.

I decided to get out of the sun briefly by grabbing the mail and running it inside. I was shocked when I looked at the clock and noticed that it was forty minutes past Sebastian's scheduled drop-off time. My first thought was that the bus had come even earlier than anticipated, we had missed it, and Sebastian would be returned to school for pick-up.

Thankfully, the bus came just a few minutes later. The bus driver acknowledged that we had not missed him previously. Judging by the number of kids on the bus and reports from Sebastian, they dropped plenty of other kids off before Sebastian. We'll have to call the transportation office again to find out if this was a one-time deal, or if Sebastian will be dropped off that late during the entire year.

Of course, Sebastian was so much in awe of the bus-riding experience that he didn't mind or notice at all.