Random Fodder

Dylan has finally moved to the critical potty training stage. He's no longer in the "I'll sit naked in this cool-looking chair and have fun" and has moved to the "Oh, now I see what I'm supposed to be doing here and why I have no diaper on!" stage.

Potty training sure beats the alternative, though. Dylan recently wet Sebastian's bed and told his mother, "I broke it!"

Despite the fact that it has only been three or four years since potty training Sebastian, I have forgotten about the details of potty training:

• It doesn't matter how many times you say, show, or help boys to understand that they need to point themselves into the potty, it rarely happens.
• The frequent ritual of watching the kid pee, praising him, wiping him, putting a diaper on, waiting three minutes, and having to do it all over again. Where does that second round of pee come from???
• Dylan loves being naked, so we will often get a potty call just to watch him get naked, sit on the potty for two seconds, and then get up to run around the house. This is even more unsettling when we can't be sure if he has to poop or not.
• Our potty plays music when you poop in it. I often find myself pondering what life would be like if our adult toilets were built in this way. (And when I say it plays music when you poop in it, I mean it plays music when a child poops in it.)

My wife discovered an interesting, fun, and disturbing Japanese cartoon about potty training:

Go ahead, watch it again. I know that, despite your reaction, you really really want to.

Dylan, as most one year olds, hasn't quite learned his ABCs, but he has memorized what sounds come when in the alphabet song.

Since he had been singing it for a while, I decided to record his rendition of the alphabet song when he was 22 months old. My favorite part is when Dylan stops midway through as if finished and then gives a satisfied nod and sign before finishing his cookie.

If only 22-month-olds were like this all the time . . .

Dylan loves to climb up on the printer table that sits next to our computer desk so that he can dangerously crane his head around the side of the monitor to get a close look at what you're doing on the computer. Clearly, this is one of those dangerous activities that Dylan doesn't mind, but which leads to yet another sequel of Baby Fight Club.

Today, I was yelling at Dylan for trying to do this while I was working at the computer. Sebastian, who was watching me from a chair beside mine, calmly dispensed some parenting advice:

You need to scream at him as loud as you can. Then he starts crying and stops doing whatever it is you don't want him to be doing. That's what I do. It works almost every time.

. . . and another KinderQuote is born.

Now I know why God made it so 5-year-olds can't become parents.

A sequel for Baby Fight Club has come out, and it is predictably titled:

Baby Fight Club 2: In Pre-School, No One Can Hear You Scream

Baby Fight Club 2
In Pre-School, No One Can Hear You Scream

In this sequel to the 2006 hit Baby Fight Club, our hero Dylan takes us on an exciting journey that involves two emergency room visits in as many months.

Audiences demanded more blood and bruises in the original movie, and Baby Fight Club 2 does not disappoint!

As expected, the rules to Baby Fight Club have expanded:

1. The first rule of Baby Fight Club is: There is no Baby Fight Club.
2. The second rule of Baby Fight Club is: Don't pull your tower of plastic bins onto yourself.
3. The third rule of Baby Fight Club is: Don't try to climb up on a bed that's taller than you are.
4. The fourth rule of Baby Fight Club is: Don't try to run full speed across pavement when you can barely walk straight as it is.

Ribbon Butt

Another fashion tragedy has struck little Dylan's bottom: Ribbon Butt

Just three months after Dylan's Cheerio Butt incident, he has again managed to get something stuck to his butt. This time, it was a bit more common than cereal, but nonetheless, Dylan walked around for a good 15 minutes without any idea that he had a ribbon planted right where his bunny tail should be.

Though this was a fashion faux pas, Dylan does get a few points back because he coordinated the color of the ribbon with his pajamas.

Cheerio Butt

As Dylan got out of his car seat after arriving home from a birthday party, I noticed an odd phenomenon that can only be described as a true fashion faux pas: Cheerio Butt.

Oddly, the Cheerios defied gravity and stuck to Dylan's pants even after he got out of the car seat and stood up. As you can see in this picture here, the Cheerios remained firmly in place until brushed off.

I researched this phenomenon, and fashion designers agree that Cheerio Butt would be 27% more embarrassing than tissue paper stuck to the bottom of your show — if babies cared about their clothing at all.

Between you and me, I haven't tested this theory, but I think that the secret to Cheerio Butt is to use the Honey Nut variety.

Baby Fight Club

Saturday night, I noticed that Dylan had a gash above his eye along with a couple additional bruises in the same area. My wife said that he had pulled his large, stackable plastic bins over onto himself. I have a different theory, however: Baby Fight Club.

The rules of Baby Fight Club:

1. The first rule of Baby Fight Club is: There is no Baby Fight Club.
2. The second rule of Baby Fight Club is: Don't pull your tower of plastic bins onto yourself.

After developing my theory, I discovered that I was onto something. Online research turns up independent evidence of a Baby Fight Club.

Update: Baby Fight Club wasn't the end! In 2007, popular sequel Baby Fight Club 2 was released!