Me: Do you remember from Sunday School what you need to do to get to heaven?
Dylan: You have to die!
Me: Oh, true . . . but there's something else you have to do before you die.
Dylan: Uhh . . . I don't remember.
Me: What do you have to ask Jesus to do before you die?
Dylan: Give you lots of money? That's what you have to do.

So there you have it. Apparently someone needs to pay more attention in Sunday School. Of course, this is the same kid who made two finger puppets in Sunday School and insisted they were Anakin and Luke Skywalker.

Dylan: . . . and what is that pipe next to me?
Me: The pipe coming out of the part that you are pooping in?
Dylan: Yeah, that pipe that goes up.
Me: That's for ventilation, to let the gas and fumes go all the way up and out.
Dylan: Does it go all the way to God?

So, when was the last time you witnessed to someone in a single-unit portable toilet?

• 7 goals (16%) were completed successfully.
• 8 goals (19%) were abandoned.
• 28 goals (65%) will be carried over for 2008.

What goals have I chosen for 2009? 28 goals have been carried over, 14 new goals have been added, and 1 goal from 2006/07 has returned:

1. attend a local government meeting
2. Be a better blogger
3. be an audience member for a TV show taping
4. Be part of a flash mob
5. build an igloo
6. clean up my house and keep it clean
7. coach hockey*
8. create a photo wall in my house*
9. drink more water
10. eat healthier
11. eat with my hands
12. Find $100 in change*
13. find and schedule appointments with: a doctor, dentist, and optometrist*
14. fly a kite
15. Give blood
16. have a 3 month emergency fund
17. help my son continue his physical therapy until he is 100% rehabilitated*
18. know how to solve a rubik's cube*
19. Learn how to remember peoples' names
20. Learn Spanish
21. leave notes in library books*
22. lose weight
23. make a time capsule
24. make plaster of paris handprints for the family*
25. Not let distractions take away from my attention to the wife*
26. open the yellow pages, pick the seventh restaurant, and eat the seventh entree and dessert on the menu
27. paint my own abstract art‡
28. place a few more geocaches*
29. play hockey*
30. Reduce debt.
31. Send a message in a bottle
32. Send a postcard to Postsecret
33. spend ten minutes holding the door for people
34. stick to a budget
35. stop being late
36. take 43 photos of 43 places within 43 minutes of where I live‡
37. take a family vacation
38. Take the Mensa test.
39. teach my child phonics*
40. turn 33*
41. Volunteer
42. Watch all my VHS tapes and get rid of them.*
43. Write a will

* A new goal for 2008.
‡ A renewed goal from before 2008.

You can always view my current list and past accomplished goals at 43 Things or on my own 43 Things page here.

Here's to the new year. May I accomplish at least some of these important 43 Things. And here's hoping you are able to accomplish your goals, too!

• 3 goals (7%) were completed successfully.
• 9 goals (21%) were abandoned.
• 31 goals (72%) will be carried over for 2008.

What goals have I chosen for 2008? 31 goals have been carried over, 12 new goals have been added, and 1 goal from 2006 has returned:

1. Accomplish more goals this year than last year
2. attend a local government meeting
3. Be a better blogger
4. be an audience member for a TV show taping*
5. Be part of a flash mob
6. build an igloo
7. clean up my house and keep it clean
8. Do the Discovery Health National Body Challenge
9. drink more water
10. eat healthier
11. eat with my hands
12. exercise regularly
13. fly a kite
14. Get better at chess*
15. Give blood
16. go camping
17. have a 3 month emergency fund
18. have family devotions
19. Help my child finish the Hooked on Math program*
20. Help my mother start her home business
21. Join a professional organization*
22. Learn how to remember peoples' names
23. Learn Spanish
24. learn to do crosswords*
25. learn to ice skate*
26. Learn to juggle*
27. lose weight
28. make a time capsule
29. Make family silhouettes*
30. open the yellow pages, pick the seventh restaurant, and eat the seventh entree and dessert on the menu
31. Read 23 books in one year†
32. Reduce debt.
33. Send a message in a bottle
34. Send a postcard to Postsecret
35. sleep in a hammock
36. spend ten minutes holding the door for people
37. stick to a budget
38. stop being late
39. take 43 photos of 43 places within 43 minutes of where I live‡
40. take a family vacation
41. Take the Mensa test.*
42. Volunteer
43. Write a will*

* A new goal for 2008.
† A "new" goal for 2008 added in October 2007 and due by October 2008.
‡ A renewed goal from before 2007.

You can also view my current list and past accomplished goals at 43 Things or on my own 43 Things page here.

My top two "cheered" goals by other 43 Things users each have 10 cheers, twice as many as the next highest cheered goal. They are:

• 10 cheers – build an igloo
• 10 cheers – attend a local government meeting

So, I should probably put a little extra effort into getting these completed this year.

Potty training sure beats the alternative, though. Dylan recently wet Sebastian's bed and told his mother, "I broke it!"

Despite the fact that it has only been three or four years since potty training Sebastian, I have forgotten about the details of potty training:

• It doesn't matter how many times you say, show, or help boys to understand that they need to point themselves into the potty, it rarely happens.
• The frequent ritual of watching the kid pee, praising him, wiping him, putting a diaper on, waiting three minutes, and having to do it all over again. Where does that second round of pee come from???
• Dylan loves being naked, so we will often get a potty call just to watch him get naked, sit on the potty for two seconds, and then get up to run around the house. This is even more unsettling when we can't be sure if he has to poop or not.
• Our potty plays music when you poop in it. I often find myself pondering what life would be like if our adult toilets were built in this way. (And when I say it plays music when you poop in it, I mean it plays music when a child poops in it.)

My wife discovered an interesting, fun, and disturbing Japanese cartoon about potty training:

Go ahead, watch it again. I know that, despite your reaction, you really really want to.

Since he had been singing it for a while, I decided to record his rendition of the alphabet song when he was 22 months old. My favorite part is when Dylan stops midway through as if finished and then gives a satisfied nod and sign before finishing his cookie.

If only 22-month-olds were like this all the time . . .

Today, I was yelling at Dylan for trying to do this while I was working at the computer. Sebastian, who was watching me from a chair beside mine, calmly dispensed some parenting advice:

You need to scream at him as loud as you can. Then he starts crying and stops doing whatever it is you don't want him to be doing. That's what I do. It works almost every time.

. . . and another KinderQuote is born.

Now I know why God made it so 5-year-olds can't become parents.

Baby Fight Club 2: In Pre-School, No One Can Hear You Scream

Baby Fight Club 2
In Pre-School, No One Can Hear You Scream

In this sequel to the 2006 hit Baby Fight Club, our hero Dylan takes us on an exciting journey that involves two emergency room visits in as many months.

Audiences demanded more blood and bruises in the original movie, and Baby Fight Club 2 does not disappoint!

As expected, the rules to Baby Fight Club have expanded:

1. The first rule of Baby Fight Club is: There is no Baby Fight Club.
2. The second rule of Baby Fight Club is: Don't pull your tower of plastic bins onto yourself.
3. The third rule of Baby Fight Club is: Don't try to climb up on a bed that's taller than you are.
4. The fourth rule of Baby Fight Club is: Don't try to run full speed across pavement when you can barely walk straight as it is.

Another fashion tragedy has struck little Dylan's bottom: Ribbon Butt

Just three months after Dylan's Cheerio Butt incident, he has again managed to get something stuck to his butt. This time, it was a bit more common than cereal, but nonetheless, Dylan walked around for a good 15 minutes without any idea that he had a ribbon planted right where his bunny tail should be.

Though this was a fashion faux pas, Dylan does get a few points back because he coordinated the color of the ribbon with his pajamas.

As Dylan got out of his car seat after arriving home from a birthday party, I noticed an odd phenomenon that can only be described as a true fashion faux pas: Cheerio Butt.

Oddly, the Cheerios defied gravity and stuck to Dylan's pants even after he got out of the car seat and stood up. As you can see in this picture here, the Cheerios remained firmly in place until brushed off.

I researched this phenomenon, and fashion designers agree that Cheerio Butt would be 27% more embarrassing than tissue paper stuck to the bottom of your show — if babies cared about their clothing at all.

Between you and me, I haven't tested this theory, but I think that the secret to Cheerio Butt is to use the Honey Nut variety.