Background

On March 3, 2008, my father passed away unexpectedly due to heart failure. This was not the first time he had had heart issues; He had been hospitalized multiple times previously due to heart attacks.

As arrangements for my dad's body began, I remembered at least three times that my father had expressed his desire to be cremated. I also remembered something else he had once written, so I searched for a letter that he sent me a couple years ago. The letter described a place with a waterfalls in the Blue Ridge Mountains called "Falling Waters". He said that he wanted to take me to that spot some day to show me where he wanted his ashes spread. Unfortunately, I never got to go there with my dad for various reasons, but I thought that I could travel to this place he wanted so much for me to see. I decided to spread his ashes in this place, just as he had requested. I would still travel to this spot with my dad by my side.

Research

I had my work cut out for me, because the Blue Ridge Mountains are a mountain chain that span from Pennsylvania to Georgia and dad never explained exactly where this spot was. Since dad wrote that letter after driving from New York to Florida, it really could have been anywhere in that expanse.

After a few days of searching the internet, I found a "Falling Waters Cascades" point of interest in Google Maps. There was very little information — just the name, a general location, and a picture. Fortunately, it did show me that Falling Waters was in Virginia, outside Buchanan, VA and a few miles northeast of Roanoke. After getting this much information, I was able to track down a brochure on Blue Ridge trails in Virginia, which lists the Fallingwater Cascades Trail as being a moderate-difficulty 1.6 mile hike at milepost 83.1 on the Blue Ridge Parkway.

The Trip

In July 2008, I took a week off of work to make the trip. My wife and I headed down south by car, leaving the kids with relatives in New Jersey. After spending a long, long, long time on I-95, we finally made it to Virginia and spent the night outside Roanoke.

The next morning we set out early and made it to the section of the Blue Ridge Parkway we needed to be on, but had trouble finding the trailhead. None of the areas I passed were labeled as Fallingwater Cascades. After a small amount of confusion and a plenty of surfing the web on my cell phone, we finally located the trail. As it turns out, most pull-offs for trails on the Blue Ridge Parkway have signs prominently displayed and viewable from the road. The Fallingwater Cascades Trail, however, has a pulloff that is behind some trees, so the sign is easily visible only once you pull into the parking area.

Spreading the Ashes

We hiked a short distance down to the falls and enjoyed the view. We found a perfect spot to put my dad to rest, just as he would have wanted. On July 22, 2008 at 08:27, I placed my dad's remains to the stream just before it splashes down the falls. Here are a couple pictures of the area we were at:

• View from the top
• Dad's resting place

I got to do a lot of thinking about my dad on that trip and sitting there with his ashes in my hands. My dad had paranoid schizophrenia, which brings with it many ups and downs. Much of the time, dad made it difficult to ignore the downs. As I sat there staring at the water and the ashes, I remembered all the good times we shared over the years, and I was able to truly forgive both him and myself for the rest.

The Lower Falls

A little farther down the trail and farther down the falls, there is a wonderful spot to sit and enjoy the quiet. I am certain that this is the spot where dad sat for hours, enjoying the nature of this peaceful and beautiful area. Here is the view dad had that he was talking about in his letter:

• Bottom of the falls
• Bottom of the falls

Detailed Location Information

Since I have a GPS receiver, I took careful note of the place where I spread my father's ashes, so that I and others can return to this place with a bit less confusion and research than I had. The coordinates are:

My father's ashes
N 37° 28.610 W 079° 34.875

Parking
N 37° 28.381 W 079° 34.835

For the real geeks out there, you can right-click this link to download an LOC file of the above two coordinates (right-click to save the file). Also, here is the spot on Google Maps that you can zoom in and out to see the area:

View Larger Map
It is a great spot, and I suggest you take the time to check it out whenever you pass through that area.

The End

I really enjoyed the trip down and seeing this spot that my dad once described to me. I'll bet he would have been shocked to know that I really did fulfill this wish for him!

This trip and destination really gave me the chance to say good-bye to dad the way he wanted to be sent off. I'll always miss him, and I'll always love him.

Thanks for the trip, dad.

I thought I'd post an update on one of my goals for this year (and last year, and the year before). A year ago, I posted on 43 Things that perhaps moving into the new apartment would make things easier to keep the place neat and tidy. 2007 proved that this wasn't the case at all. I decided yesterday that I’ve got to really focus on accomplishing this goal so I can help keep my wife’s sanity intact.

Yesterday, I finally got around to getting started on cleaning up the apartment:

1. I picked up the kids’ toys after they went to bed and put the toys in bins. I warned the kids that they will be expected to keep their room clean and that some toys will be disappearing as we store them and/or give them away.
2. I ran two loads of dishes last night and mostly cleared out the sink.
3. The kids’ dirty clothes were piled on the floor, so I bought a second hamper so the kids have a place to put their dirty clothes.
4. We had a large mess on the kitchen floor where our recyclables really had no good place to go. The storage area was far too small (just two plastic drink containers and the bin was full). This resulted in plastic and cardboard spilling across the kitchen floor. To remedy this, I bought a couple plastic bins large enough to hold our standard amount of plastic, cardboard, and glass.
5. I put our futon back into the upright "couch" position — it had been in the flat "bed" position ever since we had company during the holidays.

So, for one night’s work, the place looks a bit cleaner and organized — and certainly less cluttered.

And tonight, I got some stuff accomplished, though I didn't do nearly as much as yesterday:

1. I cleared off the table of the mounds of papers and other items cluttering half of our dining room table. Not only do we have use of our table now, but we also have more of our clutter gone!
2. Sprayed and wiped off the dining room table and chairs.
3. I went through all the areas I cleaned yesterday and made sure that any disarray from today had been cleaned up. (This is the key to keeping the house clean each day!)

There’s still plenty of work ahead of us. We’ll see what the future holds. I’ve requested some cleaning / organization / decluttering books from the library to see what suggestions and hints I can glean from skimming them.

See more progress on: clean up my house and keep it clean. I'll probably post further updates there as I continue to try and keep up with this goal.

2008 has reared its ugly head, and left me with not even a handful of completed goals:

• 3 goals (7%) were completed successfully.
• 9 goals (21%) were abandoned.
• 31 goals (72%) will be carried over for 2008.

What goals have I chosen for 2008? 31 goals have been carried over, 12 new goals have been added, and 1 goal from 2006 has returned:

1. Accomplish more goals this year than last year
2. attend a local government meeting
3. Be a better blogger
4. be an audience member for a TV show taping*
5. Be part of a flash mob
6. build an igloo
7. clean up my house and keep it clean
8. Do the Discovery Health National Body Challenge
9. drink more water
10. eat healthier
11. eat with my hands
12. exercise regularly
13. fly a kite
14. Get better at chess*
15. Give blood
16. go camping
17. have a 3 month emergency fund
18. have family devotions
19. Help my child finish the Hooked on Math program*
20. Help my mother start her home business
21. Join a professional organization*
22. Learn how to remember peoples' names
23. Learn Spanish
24. learn to do crosswords*
25. learn to ice skate*
26. Learn to juggle*
27. lose weight
28. make a time capsule
29. Make family silhouettes*
30. open the yellow pages, pick the seventh restaurant, and eat the seventh entree and dessert on the menu
31. Read 23 books in one year†
32. Reduce debt.
33. Send a message in a bottle
34. Send a postcard to Postsecret
35. sleep in a hammock
36. spend ten minutes holding the door for people
37. stick to a budget
38. stop being late
39. take 43 photos of 43 places within 43 minutes of where I live‡
40. take a family vacation
41. Take the Mensa test.*
42. Volunteer
43. Write a will*

* A new goal for 2008.
† A "new" goal for 2008 added in October 2007 and due by October 2008.
‡ A renewed goal from before 2007.

You can also view my current list and past accomplished goals at 43 Things or on my own 43 Things page here.

My top two "cheered" goals by other 43 Things users each have 10 cheers, twice as many as the next highest cheered goal. They are:

• 10 cheers – build an igloo
• 10 cheers – attend a local government meeting

So, I should probably put a little extra effort into getting these completed this year.

Grade School Fight Club

As with any successful series of movies, Baby Fight Club has spawned a spin-off: Grade School Fight Club.

Though Sebastian would have us believe that this bloody shirt was simply the product of a bloody nose, I think I've uncovered the beginnings of Grade School Fight Club.

These clubs have started sprouting up in the deepest, darkest shadows of elementary school playgrounds around the country. Under the monkey bars, by the water fountain, and in the parking lot at 3:00 — hoards of grade schoolers gather to join in this newest trend. So far, they must abide by only two rules:

1. The first rule of Grade School Fight Club is: There is no Grade School Fight Club.
2. The second rule of Grade School Fight Club is: If you tell anyone, we won't be your friend any more.

Please let us know if you uncover any additional information about Grade School Fight Club. We're doing all we can to keep it under control.

I am shifting my list of 43 Things from a list of annual goals to a list of lifetime goals. Thus, I have dropped a couple goals and picked up a couple goals, and I plan on doing further maintenance in the future.

One of my 43 Things that I have kept is to interview my son Sebastian on video every year. I have thought this was a great idea and I wanted to do it before he started kindergarten. This year I added the goal so I could do it during the summer between kindergarten and first grade, but it still hasn't gotten done. So, for some lamebrained reason, I decided to use the Challenge feature of 43 Things to try and motivate myself.

So, my current challenge on 43 Things is to interview my son by December 31, 2007 (70 days from now) or else I will: make three snow angels wearing only a pair of shorts.

I tried to make the penalty something annoying enough that I wouldn't want to do it, but easy enough that I would actually penalize myself if I failed. Hopefully, it won't come down to this and I'll get that interview done in the next month or two!

Of course, since this is a recurring goal, I will mark it as completed each year when I complete the interview and then re-add it to my list when the time comes around again.

Last year, Sebastian told me that his Kindergarten teacher said "the S-word" to the students and I got nervous, but I had to assume that it wasn't the S-word because I knew his teacher wouldn't slip up like that. (As it turns out, "the S-word" was "stupid".)

This week when I came home from work, Sebastian and I were talking for a while. Suddenly, Sebastian got a serious look on his face and he told me that some older kids were outside our window talking loudly. He told me, "I heard one of the kids say a bad word — the bad "SH-word"."

Again, I was concerned. This wasn't "stupid" because he gave me the dreaded second letter — obviously, he wanted me to know that. Sebastian knows that there are bad words to say and really bad words to say. I prefer that he doesn't yet learn exactly what these really bad words are, but I know that eventually he'll find out. I thought perhaps this was an indication that he had already learned of his first curse word.

I raised my eyebrow and replied, "Oh, really? Sometimes older kids say things they shouldn't say." I paused to get a response.

Then, in a hushed tone, Sebastian whispered, "You know, the 'Shut up' bad word? That's what he said." Sebastian looked closely for my response to this atrocity, so I tried to keep a serious face. I'm sure I couldn't help but smirk after hearing what "the sh-word" was.

You can't protect them from "the sh-word" forever!